Life is Precious

"There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don't want to know, but have to learn. And people we don't want to live without, but have to let go."

There is some sadness in me today.

I just learned yesterday that an old school friend of mine passed away. It is hard to understand why when someone we know passes. She was my age. She was a mother. We shared many of life's experiences.

We were very close friends as teenagers. I have many good memories of her. Lots of good times. We went through a lot together including a lot of teenage craziness and emotions. In fact, I was just thinking about her on Sunday. I was going through a list of baby names and came across her name. (She is the only person I have ever known with this particular name.)

How she passed is still unclear.

I am glad to have had the chance to talk to her at our class reunion 2 1/2 years ago. We had not kept in touch since graduation. I remember seeing her at the dinner and being a little nervous to go up to her. I turned to my husband and pointed her out to him. I told him how we had been great friends, but had lost touch after high school. I finally realized I was being silly and told my husband that I couldn't not go up to her and say hello. As I walked up to her, she immediately smiled. We talked about what we had done, what we were doing, and shared about our families.

I am also glad that we reconnected through the internet after the reunion.

I loved seeing photos of her 4 beautiful children.

Life is so precious.

May she be at peace and may God bless her and her family.

Level 2 Ultrasound

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

I want to hold on to today.

Tom and I went to our Level 2 Ultrasound this morning.

What a wonderful, special moment. My husband on the left of me holding my hand and a screen with an image of our child on my right. The ultrasound technician showed us (almost) every part of our baby. Amazing. The little heart beating. The round little head with eyes, a nose, and mouth that we saw open as his or her little hand came near it. Our baby's legs were crossed at the ankles and curled up. Our child is all comfy cozy cradled in me. Baby's head is on my right and legs are curled up on the left.

I love this feeling of falling in love. I can't wait to meet this little one - but I will.

I want to make sure I take in every special moment and hold on to it.

I am sure the next 20 weeks will go by very quickly.

504 Plan

"It is how you treat your fellow man that identifies who you are."

Some disappointment this last week. Our oldest son has Tourette Syndrome. He used to have an IEP, but as he got older the jr. high school thought maybe he didn't need it anymore. They talked, we listened, and unfortunately we agreed. Well, once you get rid of an IEP it is very difficult to get it back. Lesson learned. So we set up a 504 Plan for our son instead. We rushed to get it set up before the end of 8th grade last year so that he could start high school with it. I contacted the high school at the beginning of this year to ask his new counselor what the 504 Plan would actually provide our son. I wanted to make sure he was going to get the support he needed. His counselor seemed busy, and dare I say annoyed, when I called. I never heard from her again. Well, last week I contacted all of my son's teachers to make sure he could take his finals in a different room if he wanted to. Sometimes it's easier for him so that he can feel free to tic. None of his teachers knew anything about our son's 504 Plan. A whole semester - and our son had been without this support that we rushed to put together for him. We are supposed to set up a meeting with the school to see what happened and what to do for this next semester. I am happy to say that our son still did very well. I guess that's why I never felt the need to check to make sure the 504 was being used. Still, I am more comfortable knowing he has support if he needs it - even if it's to walk out into the hall to release tics. One of his teachers told me she sees him curl up in a ball sometimes while doing work at his desk. She thinks he is trying to control or hide his tics.

Plus, my son didn't even know his counselor's name. He met her once the first week of school. It would be nice if he had someone there at school he felt he could go to or talk to when needed. With his IEP, he saw his counselor every week. He had teachers checking in on him constantly to see if he was getting his work done and staying organized. I'm not so sure about this 504 Plan.

But we are now aware, and today is the first day of a new semester.

Tomorrow is our Level 2 Ultrasound. I am both nervous and excited. I have felt our baby move a few times, which is reassuring. Our 5 year old keeps putting her little hand on my belly hoping to feel her little brother or sister kick. When she does, that will be a wonderful moment. 

I am praying that all looks good tomorrow and that we come home with a beautiful, amazing photo of our child.

Children are a Gift

"For I know the plans I have for you...plans to give you hope and a future."

My Mom's Bible Study group is reading a book called Woman of Grace. So far I am really enjoying this session - the few times that I have made it. Morning Sickness and my children being sick have kept me home. This week's chapter was on accepting children as gifts/blessings from God. I enjoyed reading this chapter. I enjoyed reading the author's personal experiences with having many children - and I understood how she felt with some of the comments she got from others.

One of the questions I dislike the most is if we are done having children. How do I even answer that? And why is it anyone else's concern? I don't ask others why they say they are done? How they can make that decision?

I believe that it is very personal between a husband and wife and their relationship with God.

Another question I don't like - Do you know how that happens?

Umm...yes. Do you? It's not just something that happens between me and my husband - God plays a big role too. When I was joking to one of my friends that Tom and I must not be doing NFP correctly, she told me that maybe we were doing it exactly how we're supposed to.

After our 6th child was born (she was a preemie) I went to a doctor for some problems I was having. I was put on medication that I was told I could not nurse her on. I called my lactation consultant / NICU nurse and cried to her. We came up with a plan on how I could take my meds, pump & dump, and what hours were safe for me to still nurse my baby. It was exhausting, but worth it to me. That special bond was not something I wanted to give up. After going through a few more tests, I was told I had a pre-cancerous condition and would have to stay on heavy medication and have an invasive test done every year.

I broke. I wanted to find some kind of hope.

My husband told me I was only allowed to look at one site on the internet - Mayo Clinic. (They had basically saved my life when I was in my early 20's and had multiple left and right lung collapses.) I went straight to their site and they happened to have a new procedure they were trying out for the condition I had just been diagnosed with. I prayed to God and to Mary for courage. I called the clinic right away and they scheduled me to come there. I had a few weeks before my appointment. I prayed and talked to God. I would be on my knees crying and telling Him that this was something I just couldn't handle. I remember one night seeing a commercial for Restless Legs Syndrome. I thought to myself - I could handle discomfort and pain. That night I woke up in the middle of the night with incredible pain in my legs. I was on the bathroom floor trying to get in a position to relieve some of the pain. I must have laid there for a couple of hours and finally I prayed and told God - "Ok, I get it. I had no idea what I was saying earlier."

The pain went away.

When I went to my appointment, they scheduled a few different tests and looked over all of my other doctor's notes and x-rays. They couldn't fit me in for my tests right away, so my husband, our baby, and I drove the 5 hours back home for the weekend. On our way home there was a place of prayer dedicated to unborn babies. It was a Prayer Walk, a chapel, and there was a little shop. I bought a Prayer for Health prayer card. This is what it says: 

O Sacred Heart of Jesus I come to ask you for the gift of restored health, that I may serve you more faithfully and love you more sincerely than in the past. I want to be well and strong if it is your will and rebound to your glory. If in your divine wisdom I am to be restored to health and strength, I will strive to show my gratitiude by a constant and faithful service rendered to you. Amen

I told my husband that when I prayed about my health, I told God that with a healthy body, I promise to welcome more children if that is His will. A week later when my husband, baby, and I went back to the doctors, we finished my tests then had to wait a day to get all the results. The result: I was misdiagnosed. With everything. I was told to stop taking all medications. On the way home, we stopped by the Prayer Walk again to give thanks. Soon, our 7th blessing was on his way - and now we are preparing to welcome our 8th.
 So will we have more? I honestly don't know. When I hesitated to buy a couple of maternity clothes last week, Tom (half-jokingly!) told me to go ahead - I'll get pregnant again.
Tom sometimes asks me about my "bench." Honestly, sometimes I see a little boy crawling behind my bench, peeking out at me...

It is a true blessing that I am married to a man who believes children are a gift and a blessing as much as I do. We may struggle at times, but we get through. We have faith that God is not going to give us more than we can handle.

A New Year

"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me."

For New Years Eve this year, we all stayed home. I believe we have all been together as a family every NYE. Usually, I am the only one awake at midnight, but this year Tom made it too! Leah and Brandon almost made it. Tom and I watched the ball drop on tv then looked outside at the fireworks. Our neighbor ran down with a couple of her friends to wish us Happy New Year. They're teens and they were in their togas. Looked like they were ready to have fun - I was ready to crawl into bed.

The next day, we left to spend the weekend with family. It was wonderful seeing everyone and spending time together. I think I needed that little "vacation." On the way home - driving behind Tommy since we can't all fit into one car - I just had this feeling that 2011 is going to be a terrific year. I am getting more and more excited to meet our newest family member and I am going to do some new things for myself. Taking some chances, making a couple of resolutions.

As a couple, we are going to plan a budget - and stick to it this time. We are also going to do more "dates."  We have 2 built-in babysitters now. We should go out more often. The last time our boys babysat together, they came up with a good plan. Our youngest girls can be a little demanding when they want juicey. The boys would go back and forth on who would get the drinks, so they came up with a "game" to help decide. Basically, hide-and-seek. The girls have to hide their eyes and count to 10. The boys hide and the first brother that gets found has to get the juicey. It's funny because it takes up more time to play the game than to just get the drinks, but at least they made it into something fun.

And it's fair.

Baby's newest test results came back. All still looks great. We will get to peek at him/her soon. Yesterday was 17 weeks. At 20 weeks we will go in to do a Level 2 Ultrasound. Tom wants to find out if we are having a boy or a girl, but I want to wait. The only trouble is, figuring out 2 names. We are not agreeing on any boy names and there is one girl name that we both kind of agree on. I'm sure we will pick out the perfect name when the time comes.

We always do.