"   "

I would have been 6 months pregnant today.

TJ - 2

 

 

"The times when you have seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you."

 

 

The next morning,

I was told I could have a blood transfusion or I could go home and stay on bed rest for 2 weeks and take an iron supplement.

I chose to go home.

This was a special day and I needed to be home with my family.

6 years before, we welcomed our littlest peanut to our family.

Sarah was born almost 7 weeks premature.

She was only 4 lbs, but she was a tough cookie.

Only 12 days in the NICU before we got to take her home.

I wanted to get home and spend the day with her. Celebrate our little blessing.

I tried to focus on Sarah.

 

But the doctor was right.

I was exhausted. I couldn't even go upstairs to my bedroom without panting.

It was kind of hard to go into my room at first. That's where our little TJ was born.

(We named him TJ for Thomas Junior. Tom kept calling him Junior.)

I wanted to go out and buy him a cross to put at his grave.

Tom took me to Hobby Lobby and I rode around in a wheelchair there.

We found the perfect cross. Actually 2.

One to write on and one to stick into the ground to hold the other.

And we found a little chest to put TJ's body in.

(I bought paint pens and wrote all over it.

I also bought some baby looking fabric to wrap him in.)

 

We went home and had cake for our little Sare-Bear.

She told me that for her birthday she wanted her ears pierced.

I was a little surprised because she had gone and tried before, but would decide not to at the last minute. But I told her we would go to the mall the next day and do it if she wanted.

And so we did.

Again, I rode around in a wheelchair.

Sarah picked out her earrings and sat in the chair.

I picked out a pair too.

I picked out what would have been TJ's birthstone.

I had had an early miscarriage years before and Tom bought me the baby's would-be birthstone earrings for Christmas that year. I never take that earring out. It is on the top of my ear.

I wanted to place TJ's next to it.

After Sarah got her ears pierced, it was my turn.

I got up into the chair and had the top of my ear pierced again (and added another to the bottom since I had to buy a pair.) I remember there was pain, but in a way, I welcomed it.

I was so numb and still in such disbelief of what had happened in the last couple of days, I just wanted to feel something.

 

The next morning was TJ's burial.

We went to the cemetery.

Our oldest daughter wanted to come too.

We met our priest and Tom dug a little hole.

We placed TJ in the ground.
Rachel placed a red rose from Sarah's birthday bouquet on top of TJ.
We gently covered him up with the earth.

We prayed.

We cried.

 

I have been back a few times to visit TJ's resting place.

We bought a beautiful angel statue to watch over his body.

I think about him every day.

Anything can trigger my tears.

Seeing anything Christmas-y gets me started.

Seeing someone holding a baby gets me started.

Just walking into my bathroom where I held him gets me started.

I do have a picture of TJ that I took in the car on the way to the doctor's office.
I only look at his picture when I am in our Adoration Chapel at church.
It is the only time I feel I can.
And you know what?
He's beautiful.

 

I'm not sure why this happened, but I know for sure God was with me the whole way.

 

I am thankful that I knew TJ had passed before the day I gave birth to him in my room.

The measurements showed that he had died around 12 weeks. I was 14 weeks + when I had the ultrasound. The next day is when my water broke.

God let me know it was going to happen before it actually did.

Plus, I didn't really have to decide what to do. It happened naturally that next day.

And Tom was with me the whole time.

Since we were so upset by the news from the ultrasound, Tom took the next day off so we could decide what to do. Normally, Tom would be at work almost an hour away.

And that day we were going to go out once his mom got to our home.

Instead, I felt tired and felt the need to take a short nap.

I was in the comfort of my own bed when I woke up and found that my water had broken and contractions started.

I was able to have our baby at home so that we could lay his body to rest.

And I am so grateful that my doctor had me come in right away.

We had caught the nurses and doctor right before they closed and they waited for us to show up so they could make sure I was ok.

I wasn't, but we had already driven for an hour in the storm and so when the ambulance came to get me, we were literally minutes from the hospital.

I was told to stay on bed rest for 2 weeks - and my parents had already planned a 2 week visit starting that weekend. They were here to help take care of me and my family for the whole 2 weeks.

God had good timing.
 

And then I told Tom that I realized something else.

Every Tuesday I am signed up to sit in our church's Adoration Chapel for an hour.

Every Tuesday, I would go and I would pray. I prayed the rosary.

I especially prayed for our baby.

For each day, there is a suggested mystery to pray.

My day was Tuesday. Tuesday is the Sorrowful mystery.

I believe God was preparing me.
 

Our little TJ.

I have had a couple of check ups since TJ was born.
The nurses and receptionists at my doctor's office are wonderful.
Lots of sympathy and hugs.
I have been told that my doctor was very worried about me and that I really scared the 2 nurses that were there that evening.
I have been offered lots of help with my emotions.
I've had lots of support from friends and family.
(A few friends have shared with me their personal experiences with miscarriage.)
Prayer has certainly helped.
I know I am working through depression.
I'm getting there.
And my bloodwork finally came back perfectly normal at my last appointment.
I still have to be on iron for another 6 weeks.
But I think I'm more emotionally tired than physically.
It's going to take time, but I'll be ok.
I miss TJ.
I miss rubbing my tummy.
I shared with Tom that when I had passed out in my doctor's office, I feel God gave me a moment.
I remember not feeling well and trying to sit up.
The next thing I remember is hearing my doctor say I'm ok, just passed out. Then I saw black and white spots as I tried to open my eyes.
But what I felt was different. And this is a little hard to explain.
I felt like I was smiling for a moment. I felt peaceful.
Then suddenly I was being brought back into reality of what was going on around me.
I was like - Oh yea. I'm in my doctor's office and I'm bleeding heavily.
I believe God had given me a moment with TJ.
That's the only way I can explain it.


And I must mention one more blessing.
Cameron has PFAPA and has had fevers every month for over a year.
Cameron did not have a fever in August or in September.
We were given time to focus on ourselves/TJ and our little Cameron was given a welcomed break.
(His fever syndrome did come back in October.)

I am thankful that God carried me through all of this.

 



TJ

 

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you."

 

 

Yes. I took some time off from writing on here. But now I have something I wanted to share, because it is about someone who will always be a part of me.

In June, I was late.

At first, I kind of joked around with the idea of being pregnant. Two days late wasn't really that unusual for me. But then there was the very keen sense of smell that started and it kind of hurt when Cameron wanted to nurse. Hmmm.

So when I was two weeks late, I took a test. I already knew in my heart that it was going to be positive. Tears flowed down my face as I watched the line appear. I felt a little scared, but also pure joy. I didn't plan to get pregnant, but I knew it must have been God's plan. I came out of the bathroom and just nodded to my husband. We hugged and he went to work.

(He has a video that he made of himself in his car talking about how he felt that morning.)

I called my OB's office. The receptionist asked me if I had been to them before. I said Yes, it's Christine. I then got a friendly, "Hi!" and then I heard her share with the other women in the room that it was me. They're great :)

The next day I went in for an appointment to confirm that I was pregnant.

I came in with my calendar and showed my doctor how it was impossible that I was pregnant. I had been keeping track of my cycle. He agreed that I couldn't have gotten pregnant on the day I had marked, so we scheduled an ultrasound for a couple of days later to see how far along I was.

 

Tom and I went to the ultrasound. At first, I could see where our baby was, but couldn't see a heartbeat. I felt scared. I might not have planned to have another baby, but I already knew I wanted this child. Then we did an internal ultrasound and we saw our baby's beautiful little heartbeat. The technician told us how far along we were. Tom and I got out our calendar as soon as we got into our car to see when our baby was conceived.

June 4th. Oh. Tom's birthday. Ok.

 

The next day, we went to pick up our oldest sons from Tourette Syndrome camp.

Within a few minutes in the car, my oldest asked me if I was pregnant.

Really?

And so the news was shared with our oldest.

The following day was our nephew's wedding and we went ahead and shared the news with our children and more of our family. We were heading to Wisconsin the following morning for our annual family trip with my side of the family. My brother always offers me a beer when we first arrive to see if I can drink it. I've always been pregnant or carrying a newborn in Wisconsin.

Well, he didn't fail me. My brother handed me a beer first thing and I just smiled and shook my head. He smiled and gave me a hug. And so the news spread more.

My brothers joked around telling Tom to basically stop touching me. I joked with my parents that they had to stop praying for more grandchildren. This was it! :)

 

The rest of the summer was very difficult. I had terrible nausea all day long. I was exhausted.

I was miserable.

I was so emotional. The smallest thing would make me cry.

But I knew it was worth it.

I also went through two very long weeks waiting for blood tests to come back. My tests came back great and then our baby's tests came back too. We had a new genetics test done that showed 1 in about 10,000 chance our baby had one of the more common genetic disorders. We had heard our baby's strong heartbeat at 10 weeks with the Doppler too, so I was able to breathe and start to truly enjoy my pregnancy.

I didn't share the news with many outside of family. I was happy and didn't want to hear anyone's negative opinion or get any strange looks. You don't get the same reaction with telling people you are expecting your 9th child as you do when you are expecting your first, second, or even third.

I loved rubbing my tummy. I dug up all my maternity clothes. I bought a new beautiful maternity dress to wear for special occasions coming up.

At our church we have a Eucharistic Adoration chapel. I am signed up to go every Tuesday for one hour. I would go and just sit and cry. I always think of Adoration as a time for me to share everything with God my Heavenly Father. I'm like a kid just letting it all out. Let Go Let God right?

But during my tears I would tell God "Thank you for knowing what I truly wanted in my heart."

Financially, things are tough and having another child wasn't going to make that easier, but I knew we would be ok. I wanted this child. I was so thankful that God gave us this child. I felt like I didn't have to make the decision, God made it for us.

 

And then came week 14.

 

I went to my doctor appointment. Everything seemed fine until my doctor tried to listen to my baby's heartbeat. He tried for several minutes. I closed my eyes and prayed the Our Father over and over.

I just knew at any moment we were going to hear the heartbeat. I knew it.

But we didn't.

My doctor told me not to worry. My baby was probably just hiding. The place next door that did ultrasounds was already closed, so we set up an ultrasound for the next day - to ease my mind. 

I had been through this before with another one of my children, so I wasn't really worried.

But as soon as I was in my car I called Tom and cried into his voicemail.

I knew everything was going to be fine, but I didn't like having to wait.

Tom went with me the next day.

 

We arrived and I got on the table. The technician said she wouldn't be able to tell us anything, we'd have to wait for our doctor to go over the results.

Tom and I told her that we just wanted to see our baby's heartbeat and we had been through enough ultrasounds that we knew what to look for anyways.

The test started and I stretched my neck as far as I could without moving my tummy off the table. I saw the screen. There was our beautiful baby all curled up. Little arms bent with hands next to his head. Little legs bent with knees next to his tummy.

But there was no heartbeat.

I looked at Tom and we knew.

I said to the technician "There's no heartbeat is there?"

She just whispered "I'm so sorry," and continued to measure our baby.

My hands covered my mouth so that I wouldn't scream.

I tried to lie still so the technician could finish as quickly as possible.

I wanted off that table.

When she was done, she left us alone for a moment.

I don't know if I've ever cried so hard in my life.

Why? Why did God take our child back?

That might sound wrong to question God, but that's what I did.

What had I done? Is it because I had been scared?

Even though I was scared, I had faith that we'd be ok.

I did not expect to lose my baby.

We left and went home.

I felt so empty. My baby was still in me, but no longer living.

We waited for my doctor to call.

 

My doctor called and we talked about what to do.

Our baby measured 12 weeks, so it seemed he had passed 2 weeks before.

My body was not showing any signs of miscarriage.

In fact, at my 14 week appointment my doctor had asked me if I had felt my baby move yet. I said that I thought I had a few days before, but now I realized I couldn't have.

My doctor told me I could make an appointment for a D&C or I could wait and see if my baby would pass at home. I asked if I could keep my baby's body to bury him if I had a D&C.

He told me no.

(I had had a D&C with my first miscarriage 13 years ago. I was 10 weeks and baby measured 7 weeks when I had found out. I let my body have one more week to do it on its own, but it didn't.)

I told him I would talk it over with Tom and call back.

Our children were starting to come home from school.

That was very hard. Lots of quiet tears.

We didn't even have to tell our daughters. Our oldest daughter saw me crying and hugging a couple of friends at the bus stop. She looked at Tom and just said "I know what's going on."

She came outside and tried to tell me what she knew, but just started crying in the middle of her sentence. I hugged her tight. Lots of broken hearts that day.

That night we met with our wonderful priest at our church.

He prayed with us and gave us some comfort.

 

The next day Tom stayed home. We were going to discuss what to do.

He was worried about my health and I was worried about being able to lay our child to rest.

Tom's mother offered to come over and watch our youngest so Tom and I could go out and talk. While waiting for her, I told Tom I was going to take a short nap. I was exhausted.

When I woke up, I realized my water had broken.

I yelled for Tom.

Contractions were starting and I was scared. I started to panic.

Thankfully, I had a friend who had been through this herself and she kept me calm.

We had been sending messages to each other all day.

Tom and I decided to get in our car and drive to the hospital. I called my doctor on the way.

His nurse told us we could go to the ER, but they probably wouldn't do anything. Just observe. She suggested we go back home and just have it happen naturally then call back after.

I told Tom to turn around.

He suggested we drive around a little bit. It was almost time for the school bus and since the bus stop is in front of our home, we didn't really want to get home at the same time as the bus.

I texted my neighbor and asked her text me when the bus had left.

Tom and I got an iced coffee at DD and drove around. My contractions were about every 5 minutes, but weren't too painful.

Soon we got a text and headed back home.

I stood up from the car and felt blood just pour out of me.

Our poor oldest daughter saw me.

I had a towel and wrapped it around me as I went rushing into our home and up the stairs.

I was pacing the bathroom floor when Tom came up. He told me to go sit on the toilet because of all the blood. As soon as I sat down (now this might be too much information for some) I looked down and in my pants was our baby. (I was grateful I didn't have to try to find him in the toilet.)

There he was. Perfect.

I don't know how some people can say that this is not a baby.

He had a little head with a little face.

2 arms with hands and fingers.

2 legs with itty bitty feet and toes.

I just said, "Well, there you are.

Look at those sweet little feet I would have smothered with kisses."

I held him in my hand until Tom brought something to lay him in.

I messaged my friend and she came right over.

She was a huge blessing that day. She had been through this too and she kept us calm.

I called my doctor and he said that he'd stay in the office until we got there. He wanted to make sure the bleeding had stopped and that the placenta had passed too.

We wrapped up our baby and got in our car.

The drive took about an hour because there was a severe thunderstorm.

When we got there, I stood up and again felt a gush of blood.

Thankfully there was only my doctor and 2 nurses at the office at that time.

One nurse saw us out the window and realized I was bleeding very heavily.

She came out to help me get in and I started to cry uncontrollably.

She was very kind and told me not to worry about the blood and she got me to one of the rooms.

My doctor looked at our baby. I told him I was keeping our baby to bury.

I felt very protective of my child.

The nurses helped me onto the table and my doctor started right away to stop the bleeding.

He said it was still pouring out of me so he wanted to get the placenta out.

He did after a few tries. The bleeding seemed to slow down for a moment, but then started up again.

I said I didn't feel well and asked for water. I took some sips, I felt a washcloth on my forehead, and I tried to sit up. Again, I said I didn't feel well.

I don't remember what happened next, but I guess it is the part my husband will never forget.

He said I went completely pale. My eyes rolled back into my head, my body started to tremble, and I was making gurgling sounds. Scariest moment of his life.

The next thing I remember is seeing black and white spots and hearing my doctor reassure everyone that I had just blacked out and was going to be fine, but he was calling for an ambulance.

Before I knew it I had 3 paramedics working on me. One was putting in an IV, one was checking my vitals, and one was asking me questions. They started to wheel me out of the building and I "yelled" back to Tom to make sure he didn't forget someone.

 

I was taken to the hospital by ambulance and Tom followed.
Prayer requests were sent out for us as

we spent many hours in the ER.

My blood levels were low and when I'd try to stand up, my heart rate would go way up very quickly and my body would start to tremble.

I was passing huge blood clots.

(My poor nurse. She was young.)

I was finally admitted and made comfortable in a room.

They continued with the fluids and let me rest.

My blood levels would be checked again in the morning.

 

 



PFAPA

"Your first breath, took mine away."

November - thankful for my family and all my blessings. Celebrated our sweet Noah's birthday.

December - Christmas is my favorite time of year. This year had its unplanned moments, but still enjoyed my family and all God has blessed us with.

So I haven't blogged much. 

Our sweet littlest one has kept us busy.

Cameron has a fever syndrome called pfapa.

We are trying to get to the right doctor for an actual diagnosis, but all symptoms point to it.

We spent a very scary night in the ER recently and I have learned how important it is to be your child's advocate. 

Cameron has been having fevers since March.

He has had a ton of bloodwork done as well.

We went to an infectious disease doctor for more info. On our 2nd visit with her, Cam was on his 6th day of a fever. She sent us for bloodwork.

A couple of hours after being home, the doctor called us and told us we needed to pack a bag and go to the Children's Hospital downtown. 

I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe.

I gave the phone to my husband.

We sent out many prayer requests and headed downtown. 

Once there, we quickly found out the doctors there had never heard of pfapa. 

They brought up more bloodwork, doing a heart ultrasound,  doing a spinal tap, looking at juvenile arthritis, looking at multiple sclerosis. 

All scary stuff.

I know everyone's prayers gave me strength and courage to speak up.

I told the first doctor about pfapa. I took out my "Cameron diary."

Four different doctors looked at Cam. I believe they did some quick research on pfapa because they started looking for symptoms. They saw red tonsils and a sore in his mouth.

Signs of pfapa.

I told them he needed to see a rheumatologist.  They called her and after telling her everything I had said and what they had observed, she told them it sounded like pfapa.

She wanted to see us outpatient.

One doctor came in and told Tom and I we were very intelligent and knowledgeable about what is going on with our son.

It had been over 4 hours at the hospital, but in the end our son had not been put through any unnecessary tests.

I was again thankful and knew everyone's prayers had helped these doctors stop and listen to a mother.

We were discharged.

Next day, Cam had a low fever all day, but didn't need any medication. 

By the following day, fever was gone.

Now we wait for the rheumatologist to call and fit us in for an appointment. 

Boo Humbug

"A year from now you will wish you would have started today. "

October has come and gone.

We celebrated Leah's 7th birthday.

Leah really wanted a camera this year - so since we decided not to

do a Halloween/Birthday party - we got her a nice one.

It is hot pink of course.

And she uses it all the time!!!

Someday when she is a famous photographer she can tell about her 7th birthday and getting her first nice camera :o)

We didn't do too much for Halloween this year.

This was a Boo Humbug Halloween.

Usually we go all out decorating and have a costume / birthday party.

This year - we just weren't in the spirit of it all.

A difficult time around here.

I've had my issues - including some health ones.

Cameron has his possible fever syndrome.

And most recently, my fav cousin passed away suddenly.

We did make a bunch of chili and I did take our children trick or treating.

Our girls put together their fairy costumes from last year.

Our 2 oldest boys didn't dress up.

Brandon stayed home to pass out treats and Ethan came with me to help watch our youngest 6.

Noah put on an old grim reaper costume.

Jacob wore the Frankenstein costume I made Ethan when he was little.

Cameron wore the Werewolf costume I made Noah when he was little.

(Jacob and Cameron also wore Batman and Robin - which were Brandon and Ethan's old costumes. Jake and Cam wore them for a little parent-tot Halloween party I took our youngest 6 too.)

So now we are into November.

I will celebrate another year.

We will be Thankful for all we have.

And we will celebrate Noah.

The leaves have changed and the world looks beautiful.

I am ready for some beautiful changes myself  :o)

Catch-Up

"In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind."

It has been a long time....

I always try to at least get on when we celebrate one of our children's

birthdays, but I let one get by me.

Ethan turned 14 in September!

We got up and sang to him with a candle stuck in his breakfast.

Then I surprised him by taking him to a movie.

House at the End of the Street.

We like to watch scary movies together and this was the first time we went to

one in the theater together.

It was great. We enjoyed the movie and just hanging out together.

Then Tommy surprised Ethan with going out for sushi for dinner.

It is so nice to have teenagers that still like to hang out with their parents.

The following weekend our daughter Rachel was a Munchkin in the

High School's version of The Wizard of Oz.

She is in 4th grade and tried out by singing and dancing.

She did great! She was so excited to be in a play.

I think that was her first of many to come.

She also moved up in Tumbling class by doing 5 back flips in a row.

Leah and Sarah are in Tumbling too.

This is Sarah's first time and she loves it!

It is sweet to see the three of them together on the Tumbling floor.

They will pass by each other and give a high five.

They practice a lot! And it has really brought them even closer.

Brandon is taking the PSAT this weekend.

Yikes! Time is flying!

He is such a talented and creative artist. I pray he gets to use

what he loves to do to make a career.

His newest creation was designing a Movie Poster in class.

The class voted for the top 2 and the teacher said he was going to make

a real Movie Poster for the winners.

Well, he won! I can't wait to see Brandon's poster!

It's great that his classmates appreciate his talent too.

Noah is having an awesome year at school.

Next big project is the Science Fair.

He loves Science. I look forward to seeing what he comes up with.

Jacob finally got his 3 yr pictures done.

So handsome!

He had to wear his cowboy boots of course.

Cameron had another fever episode.

We are taking him to a Specialist next week.

Looks like Cam might have a Periodic Fever Syndrome called PFAPA.

Hopefully we get the answers we need next week.

Right now, he is battling croup.

Tommy and I got our physicals done. We are all good!
But the next week I did break out with Shingles.
Not fun.
Guess I let stress get to me too much.
Lots of changes in my life in the last year.
Some have been hard to get through and accept.
Let Go Let God - right?
I also just went in for my follow-up Echocardiogram.

Last time it showed Prolapse Valve with mild to moderate regurgitation.

Doctor wanted to check if the regurgitation had changed.

I'm not on medication or anything - but it did change.

For the better!

Somehow it is only mild this time.

No progression - actually appears that I have improved.

Well, giving that one to God and all of my family and dear friends

that have prayed for me. God is good.

Tommy is doing well.

We are working like crazy to clear out the basement.

There is so much stuff down there!

We've been donating a ton.

This weekend we get to watch Ethan in his school's musical.

Thoroughly Modern Millie.

I have never seen this one. I am excited!

I always enjoy the musicals.

Sarah Smile

"Baby hair with a woman's eyes.
I can feel you watching in the night.
All alone with me and we're waiting for the sunlight.
When I feel cold you warm me.
When I feel I can't go on you come and hold me.
It's you...... and me forever.

Sara smile.
Won't you smile a while for me?

If you feel like leaving you know you can go.
But why don't you stay until tomorrow?
And if you want to be free, all you have to do is say so.
When you feel cold, I'll warm you.
And when you feel you can't go on, I'll come and hold you.
It's you.... and me forever.

Sara smile.
Won't you smile a while for me?"

 

On August 31st we celebrated our little "monkey's" 5th birthday.

It is amazing to see how big she is now.

Sarah was born almost 7 weeks early and was only 4 pounds.

When she was born, it was scary.

It was hard to leave her in the NICU.

But now Tom and I think back to those days Sarah was in the hospital

and we have only good memories.

Tom remembers going there every morning before work to rock Sarah and give her her breakfast bottle.

I remember going every mid-morning to nurse her and

every night to nurse her and tuck her in for the night.

It was exhausting, but also a very special time to bond.

Sara Smile by Hall and Oates triggers these memories too.

That song played several times while Tom and I both sat

in the rocking chair with our Sarah at the hospital.

One of the nurses told us that she bets that's the song that will play

for the daddy-daughter dance at Sarah's wedding someday.

What a beautiful (happy-teary) thought.

 

 Tom and Sarah - just home

Tom and Sarah - 5 years later



Roses and Baby Powder

 

"St. Therese, the Little Flower, please pick me a rose from the heavenly garden and send it to me with a message of love; ask God to grant me the favor I thee implore and tell Him I will love Him each day more and more. Amen."

 

Baby powder?

Roses?

Two of my favorite smells.

Too bad sometimes it takes me awhile to recognize that I am smelling them.

 

Our son Cameron is 14 months old.

Back in March, and again in July, he ran a very high fever

with very high wbc.

After 3 or 4 days he would be fine.

No other symptoms.

No results from any tests.

Viral. (?) That was what I was told.

 

And here we go again.

 

Cami was fine Monday night.

I took our 8 children to Family Eucharistic Adoration.

After, there was a dinner downstairs. Tom met up with us there.

Our children had fun running around chasing each other.

(They are very comfortable at church.)

 

Then at 4:00am I woke up and heard Cami whimpering in his sleep.

I touched his little foot and it was hot.

I quickly picked him up and went downstairs to take his temp and get some Tylenol.

I talked to my pediatrician's office when they opened. Since Cami was acting fine we decided I would watch him for 24 hours then bring him in if he still had a fever with no other symptoms.

 

All day the fever stuck around.

When it was down a little from the medicine, Cami would act happy and play with his toys. But it would go right back up after a few hours. Then Cami and I would cuddle.

 

Last night Cami and I slept on the couch together.

We were up every couple hours.

Cami hasn't wanted to eat food so we've been nursing a lot.

His temp was around 105 at the highest.

So today we are going in to see his doctor.

 

But as I have prayed over Cameron I noticed how sweet he smelled at times.

Then I finally realized he smelled like baby powder to me.

The smell would come and go. Seemed to be around when his fever was high.

I started craving the smell.

I'd cradle Cami and smell all around his head trying to find it.

Sounds silly maybe, but it brought me comfort when I could smell it.

 

Today I smelled the sweet smell and then thought of roses.

I adore Mother Mary and I know that the scent of roses is associated with her.

I was looking on my computer about it.

I found a nice Catholic site that had testimonies of smelling roses.

Mary was mentioned and so was St. Therese, "the little flower."

St. Therese promised to release a scent of roses from Heaven.

So then I wondered about the scent of baby powder.

I looked it up and the scent of baby powder is partially made with rose oil.

 

I believe that St. Therese and Mother Mary are sending me comfort

while I care for Cameron.

 

I just really felt the need - and want - to share this :o)

 



School is in

"An education turns mirrors into windows."

 

School is in!

I am actually not too thrilled about that.

Where did summer go?

 

So far - I am very pleased with the teachers our children got this year.

(Bus driver too!)

Everyone seems to be off to a great start!

I just don't know how long I can last doing the morning routine

and the homework routine in the afternoon.

Getting 6 children out the door is exhausting!

Making sure everything is signed and put back in the right child's folder and in the right child's backpack can be confusing.

At night we get the snacks picked out, the water bottles filled,

and the outfits (including the shoes!) set out for the morning.

I go to bed feeling confident that everything is ready for the morning craziness, but somehow the craziness still finds me.

 

I had to go searching for more pants for our boys and more

shoes for our girls. They all decided to do some growing over the summer.

And it's hard to know that they've grown so much until you put long pants on them and they wear something more than flip flops on their feet.

Thankfully I can go into our basement and find a few

things packed away in bins, but our oldest son and our oldest daughter don't have bins to go through.

 

We really need to find more space for homework.

It usually ends up being done on the floor next to our front door.

It is the one place they can just spread out.

So far our kindergartner is the only one who loves the idea of homework.

She cries if I ask her to wait.

Of course, her homework is fun.

This weekend she needed to make a paper bear that looked like her.

Tom had a great time helping her.

Sarah's bear had Sarah's face (photo) and was wearing a

Dora shirt and a pink tutu.

Cute!

 

Now if I could get our youngest 2 to nap at the same time, I just might get things done around here and maybe have a little time for myself.

So far, that doesn't seem to be in their plans.

Mommy will have to change that :o)

 



Jacob 3

"Celebrate Life."

Today we celebrated our 7th child's 3rd birthday.
When we asked him what he wanted - "Blueberries!"
Ok.
What do you want with your blueberries? - "Steak!"
Ok.
Is there a certain toy you might like to go with your blueberries and steak?
"Umi Zoomi!"

So our little Jakey woke up to blueberry muffins.
We had a cookout with Tom's mom.
And Jacob got a Team Umi Zoomi remote control car.

We had a very happy 3 year old.
And a wonderful day with family.



Summer - BTR

"Don't count every hour in the day. Make every hour of the day count."

I can't believe it is August!

Where did our summer go?

It was a great summer.

Camp, vacation at the lake, waterpark, lots of friends and family time.

Our daughter Rachel went to her first concert this weekend.

She went with her friend for their birthdays.

Big Time Rush!

Kendall (her favorite) & James (her 2nd favorite) came right up next to her.

How exciting!

My first concert was Donny and Marie Osmond with my friend Dana.

(Dana lived kitty corner across from me just like Rachel's friend does!)

I didn't get to be up close to Donny, but I still remember how exciting it was.

On a side note: I did finally get to be up close to Donny when I saw him in Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat. Tom and I left the musical and were walking around downtown Chicago when we saw a bunch of people waiting outside by the back door of the theater. I said to Tom "What fools thinking Donny is going to come out that door." Then Tom said "There he is."

I was suddenly 14 years old again and took off running and screaming. Ha ha!

I busted my way through the crowd and got Donny's autograph and touched his hand.

I feel very "giddy" right now. Lol!

So Rachel had a wonderful time and came back with a t-shirt, necklace, and bracelet.

Her friend's mother loved seeing our girls so excited and she made sure they had the

time of their lives that night!

I have been to many Duran Duran concerts and have never come really close to Simon - though I swear John looked right at me at one of them - what an exciting night for Rachel and her friend.

Today my sister and my nephew from Texas are coming to visit.

I am so excited to see them and to spend a few days with them.

Family is the best!



Summer Update

"Stop the Horses!"

(This quote will only be understood by a few - for now.)

It seems that summer and blogging do not mix well for me.

Having 8 children at home - including 2 who love to be on my laptop - makes it hard for me to sit and write when I want.

Right now it is almost midnight and I would love to be in bed, but felt the need to sit and update a little before summer is over.

Our oldest 3 boys went to camp for a week.

They go to a Tourette Syndrome camp and get a chance to meet

other kids from all over the world who have TS and/or OCD.

It is wonderful.

They had a great time!

We picked them up on a Saturday and we were getting

ready to leave for our family vacation the next day.

Made for a busy day.

We decided to go to Lou Malnati's for lunch.

Noah and Rachel had both received certificates for free pizzas

from school for showing great character.

Our kiddos were very excited to be out at a restaurant and

our boys were telling us all about camp while our girls filled them in on what happened at home while they were gone.

Our pizza came - it was the wrong order.

Our waitress came back with the news that our pizza was

given to another table.

Ugh. But they brought us free pasta to satisfy our hungry family

while we waited for our pizza to be remade.

They also gave us a larger pizza than what we had ordered and

didn't charge us at all for it.

Nice.

We decided to go to church that

 evening since we were

planning to leave bright and early Sunday.

While walking in, an older couple held the door for us.

The wife wanted us to sit next to her and her husband.

She loved seeing a big family.

After mass she came up to me and slipped some money

into my hand and told me to take my family out for ice cream.

I told our children.

The next day we made sure to stop while driving to the lake for

some ice cream.

The 4th of July was spent with family at the lake.

We went to Wisconsin and had an incredible time.

Lots of swimming, boating, and hanging with family.

And amazingly enough - I won the adult tennis tournament ;o)

I just might have to take it up.

This week has been a bit stressful.

Little Cameron was hit with a high fever (104.5) for a couple

of days and had a high wbc.

After a couple of tests and lots of prayers - he is doing much better today.

Poor little guy.

He was wiped out from this fever. We are guessing it is a virus.

 He is on an antibiotic until we get the culture back from his UTI test.

And if he still has the fever by Friday they will admit him for tests...but

his wbc is down today and his fever went down to 101.

Praying he is all better soon and that no one else gets it.

So I am definitely sad to know summer break will soon be over.

We are doing the school shopping.

I have really enjoyed having my children home with me.

Brandon has been great with his siblings.

We went to the petting zoo last week with friends and he was

such a great help, esp. with Jakey - who adores B.

Ethan has also been great. We have been watching "thriller" movies

together at night after everyone else goes to bed. It's been fun.

Noah is always great to play with. He is a great older brother.

Rachel, Leah, and Sarah have really enjoyed being together.

They have done a lot of fashion shows and singing songs.

School and Talent Show have been the top things to play.

Jacob and Cameron amaze me with how much they have grown over the summer.

Jacob is talking and has such a great personality. He really looks up to his older siblings. Cameron is walking around and babbling a lot.

He really seems to understand what we say to him. Very observant.

Tommy and I are keeping busy and still trying to declutter our home.

That has been an ongoing goal.

Maybe when all of our children are grown :o)

Cameron is 1

"For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart."

Today we celebrated Cameron's 1st birthday.

What an amazing year!

CJ has been a great addition to our family.

He fits right in.

He is a very happy little boy.

Cami loves to babble and has taken a few steps.

I love how he curls his little toes.

I love how he rubs my arm while he is nursing.

His little head is so soft and fuzzy.

His eyes are a beautiful blue.

His smile is very toothy and sweet.

Right now he is snuggled in my arms, on my chest.

He does not sleep in his crib.

He sleeps between me and Tom.

Bad habit?

I don't care.

I know he will be in his own bed one day.

I am very blessed and my family brings me much joy.

I am very thankful for them.

My Cami

Summertime

"What time is it? --- Summertime!"

And summer break begins....

So far so good.

School was done on Friday. Happy to have our children home with me.

Happy to have late nights and late mornings. (If 6:00am can count as late.)

I will miss most of our children's teachers.

We had a couple that I truly hope to spend another year with in the future.

On Saturday we had an amazing day in Chicago.

Go White Sox!

It was a long game - 12 innings - and we ended up losing, but

all in all it was a fun game. Exciting!

The tickets for all of us, the parking pass, and enough Sox Bucks to keep everyone happy were given to us. Wonderful gift! Perfect gift!

On Sunday we spent the day in the front yard playing in the kiddie pool.

The weather has been beautiful!

On Monday we celebrated my husband's birthday.

The rest of this week looks gorgeous and we will spend it

keeping our home picked up and spending time together outside.

Cameron is almost 1 year old!

He is taking a few steps and finally eating food.

He spent the first 11 months only nursing - would not eat baby food!

He has never eaten a jar of food.

A bite or 2 and then he was done. No interest.

But now that I can give him whatever I am eating, he loves to eat!

Certainly been a money saver I guess.

Jacob got his first haircut at 2 1/2 years old.

I went upstairs to take a quick shower when my oldest got home from his finals. When I came down, Jacob announced that he had cut his hair.

I was very upset. I loved his long hair. It was gone.

Later when our other children got home our oldest daughter pointed out to me that our 4 year old Sarah cut her hair too.

That's when I asked Jacob who really cut his hair.

He said, "Sarah."

Sarah hung her head down and cried.

Then Jacob walked over to his toy fire truck, lifted up the seat, and showed us the pile of hair hidden inside.

I will note here that Tom was very happy that Jacob got a haircut.

I took him to the salon I go to and had his haircut fixed.

He was very good. Sat perfectly still. No wonder Sarah was able to cut his hair.

He does look cute, but I will miss his curls.

Oh well. It's only hair right?

Maybe Cameron will have curls.

Our 2nd child got into his school's musical again.

He has made it every year.

I love that he is not shy when it comes to being on a stage.

I'd like for all of our children to have that self-confidence.

I am starting most of them on music lessons this summer.

Some guitar. Some piano. Some vocals.

Leah wrote a song and was "belting" it out.

It is very catchy. I'll have to try and post her singing it.

May our summer continue to go well.

Our daughters are playing very well together.

So glad they have each other.

And our sons are getting along too.

Our oldest, Brandon is spending time with our 3rd, Noah.

He is teaching him how to use a ripstick.

It's great to see them working together.

Our Journey 2011

"God gave me you for the ups and downs."

I made a video for Tommy for Valentines Day last year. 

I have been messing around trying to put  the video on here.

I have no idea what I am doing wrong.

I'll have to ask my children how to do it :o)

So for now I put it on YouTube.

Well, I put it on my son's YouTube account. 

Not sure how that happened.

Again, I'll have to ask my children.

http://youtu.be/E4lhPw2E_dc

Hmm....not sure how to take off all the empty space at the end or

how to make the link better.

Work in progress I guess.

Catch Up

"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures forever."

It has been a long time since I have sat down with my laptop.

We've been very busy doing some home improvements.

I love it, but now I'm just waiting for someone to stain our new carpet or couch and someone to nick our newly painted walls.

It was a lot of work! And well worth it!

We still have a ton of organizing to do. We are really trying to cut back on the stuff in our home. I want to try and teach our children to focus on what is really important in life rather than the materialistic things in life.

But now our basement and garage are filled!

We wanted to spend the weekend putting our home back together, but I was hit hard with mastitis suddenly on Friday night. (A boo boo from nursing.)

My body started aching all over, I got chills and a fever.

Then the "pain" got unbearable. I went to the doctor and got put on

antibiotics right away.

So now I'm feeling better, but on my own to go through everything.

I will. I'm going to try and be strong & picky.

Some highlights of the last couple of weeks...

After one of the days spent painting, I got myself a "drink."

Our oldest son Brandon asked me, "What are you drinking?"

I told him I am an adult. I'm allowed.

He smiled and said, "I am actually happy to see you drinking. It means you're not pregnant."

Guess I should expect that from my oldest of 8.

Our 4 year old daughter Sarah was asking Tom to go upstairs with her and tuck her in to bed one night. Tom told her he couldn't go up right then and that he'd be up soon. Sarah whined a little bit more trying to get Tom to go up right then.

Finally she "gave up" and walked around the room giving everyone a goodnight kiss - everyone but Tom. Sarah started going upstairs when Tom asked her where his kiss was. Sarah looked back and with a sweet little smile said,

"Your kiss Daddy...is upstairs."

She played that very well.

Sarah also learned to ride a 2-wheeler. Yay Sarah!

Rachel decided she was going to teach Sarah and within a half hour, she did it!

Now Sarah can't get enough of riding her bike. She is a pro!

Little Miss Leah lost another tooth.

Her first top one.

But she swallowed it.

We were eating dinner. Rachel was sitting across from Leah.

Suddenly Rachel announces, "Leah your tooth is gone!"

And, well, yes it was.

Leah wrote a note to the tooth fairy explaining that she had swallowed her tooth. The tooth fairy was kind enough to still leave a dollar filled with fairy dust.

Cameron has started eating a little bit of "real food."

He still prefers nursing over everything else, but he does open his

mouth when I offer him some of the food on my plate.

He is pulling himself up to stand. He is almost ready to start walking.

(He does dance when he hears music.)

Jacob is really talking now. And he is all boy!

He loves cars and swords and wrestling around with his brothers.

Brandon, Ethan, and Noah are doing a great job "raising" my little boy. 



Easter 2012

"Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you. One day you might wake up and realize you lost the moon while counting the stars."

It took over a week to get my results.

Things look the same as last time, but now they have all the numbers they need.

I will go back in 6 to 9 months for another echo then we will go from there.

We had a nice Easter.

Our family went to church for confession the week before.

On Good Friday we went to our church for the Stations of the Cross done by the Youth Group. Our children Ethan and Rachel sang with the choir. The Youth Choir always sounds so beautiful.

Then on Sunday we celebrated Jesus' Resurrection, Easter.

Our children woke us up early - with coffee in bed - and waited for

Tom and I to come downstairs before digging into their baskets.

After checking out their goodies, we got ready for mass. We were able to walk to church. The weather was beautiful and we were actually ready to go early enough that we had time to walk.

Monsignor's Homily was very good. He talked about Heaven and how it is a place we all want to get to someday, but understandably, none of us are in a hurry to get there. That is because or our relationships we have here on Earth.

So true.

The people in our lives should be the most important part.

And just a personal "vent" just to get this out of my head...

I was just browsing on Facebook while nursing Cameron.

I read one of the most disturbing things I have ever read.

Someone posted an article about abortion.

There was a quote about someone wishing to speak to all the babies killed ever since abortion was made legal.

One of the replies after that was "Well then you'll have to travel to hell first because that's where all the unsaved go."

Why would someone say that? I was so upset by that statement. Is it all just a joke? One woman wrote about having a mass hysterectomy day just so women can have control over their own bodies. Ok - That's a bit extreme.

Just disturbing.

Cameron is snuggled in my arms right now.

He is getting so big - and it is all "me."

Cam refuses to eat anything! All he wants is to nurse.

He will "gag" on cereal, fruit,...I got him to eat two bites of yogurt yesterday. Today he took one little bite and no more.

He is growing and doing well so I'm trying not to worry. I will just try a little something with him every day.

He is standing and cruising along our furniture.

He will be walking before we know it!

Cameron's Prayers

"God speaks in the silence of the heart. Listening is the beginning of prayer."

Wednesday was a busy day.

Woke up to wish our oldest child a very happy 16th birthday!

He's a wonderful son. He even let me put a candle in his waffle.

Then I was off for my Heart Echo and Stress tests.

Tom took me.

I don't do well going to the doctor. I'm kind of a mess.

I was nervous - always am.

Anyways, Tom took Jacob and Cameron to the cafeteria while I did my tests.

The ladies that did my test were great. Very friendly and made me feel very comfortable. I will get the results next week.

While I was doing my test Tom called the pediatrician to make an appointment for our 9 mth old Cameron.

Cameron had had a fever for a couple of days, but acting fine. Then at around 2:00 am Wednesday, his fever went to 104.6. He was crying and couldn't eat.

(I nurse him.) You could tell he wanted to eat, but he just couldn't.

I called the emergency pediatrician number and spoke to a doctor.

He told me I could give a little more medicine, but if the fever went over 105 I should take Cam to the ER. Otherwise, make an appointment for the next day.

The little bit more medicine worked and Cam's fever went down.

Tom told me he got a 2:30 appointment.

We went to the store then went home to hang outside in the

beautiful 80 degrees and wait for Sarah to get home.

While we were outside I heard our phone ring. I went in and whoever had called had hung up. I looked at caller ID and saw that it was our pediatrician's office.

I was hoping there had been a cancellation and we could go earlier so I called them back. The receptionist told me that no one had called that she was aware of. I told her how I had hoped it was for an earlier time, but that we'd be there at 2:30. She put me on hold then came back to tell me that we were not down for an appointment in their office. Our appointment had been made for a different office - one much further away. When Tom couldn't find the phone number, he just redialed the one I had called at 2:30 in the morning. That's the emergency number at night and the other office during the day.

So she said she'd call the other office and cancel for me and she had an appointment with Cam's regular doctor at 1:30.

I think a little angel had made our phone ring.

So we took Cameron to the doctor.

They took a blood sample and a urine sample.

Poor little guy.

The urine was fine, but would be sent for culture.

The blood showed a high white blood count.

The highest normal is 11,000. Cameron's was 27,000.

The doctor sent us to the hospital for more tests.

(I would like to note here...don't google symptoms!!!)

At the hospital, we had an x-ray of Cam's chest done, a nasal swab for viruses, and more blood drawn. I tried very hard not to cry through all of this, but I did lose it a little. Especially when the nurse taking his blood said, "Wow that's high!" when she heard his blood count. She even expressed just how high that was when another nurse came in to help.

We left and picked up an antibiotic for Cameron.

They wanted to start one just in case.

I dropped off Tom and Jakey and Sarah at home.

It was Brandon's birthday so Tom wanted to get the grill started.

We were making Chicago Style Hot Dogs. Yum.

I kept Cam with me and went to Sarah's preschool to her conference.

Sarah is an August baby so we aren't sure if we should hold her back or send her to Kindergarten.

Right before walking in, Cam's doctor called. All tests were negative so far.

I would hear more the next day.

On Thursday, Cam's doctor called me in the morning.

Still nothing, but wanted me to come in the next day to check Cam's white blood count again. He was leaving town, so he updated another doctor.

So today is Friday and I took Cameron in.

All tests came back negative, his fever is gone, and his white blood count is back to normal.

God is good :o)

I believe our prayers were heard and answered quickly.

I think God knows I just couldn't handle anymore.

Now I wait for my results and pray they are good too.

Cameron