Children are a Gift

"For I know the plans I have for you...plans to give you hope and a future."

My Mom's Bible Study group is reading a book called Woman of Grace. So far I am really enjoying this session - the few times that I have made it. Morning Sickness and my children being sick have kept me home. This week's chapter was on accepting children as gifts/blessings from God. I enjoyed reading this chapter. I enjoyed reading the author's personal experiences with having many children - and I understood how she felt with some of the comments she got from others.

One of the questions I dislike the most is if we are done having children. How do I even answer that? And why is it anyone else's concern? I don't ask others why they say they are done? How they can make that decision?

I believe that it is very personal between a husband and wife and their relationship with God.

Another question I don't like - Do you know how that happens?

Umm...yes. Do you? It's not just something that happens between me and my husband - God plays a big role too. When I was joking to one of my friends that Tom and I must not be doing NFP correctly, she told me that maybe we were doing it exactly how we're supposed to.

After our 6th child was born (she was a preemie) I went to a doctor for some problems I was having. I was put on medication that I was told I could not nurse her on. I called my lactation consultant / NICU nurse and cried to her. We came up with a plan on how I could take my meds, pump & dump, and what hours were safe for me to still nurse my baby. It was exhausting, but worth it to me. That special bond was not something I wanted to give up. After going through a few more tests, I was told I had a pre-cancerous condition and would have to stay on heavy medication and have an invasive test done every year.

I broke. I wanted to find some kind of hope.

My husband told me I was only allowed to look at one site on the internet - Mayo Clinic. (They had basically saved my life when I was in my early 20's and had multiple left and right lung collapses.) I went straight to their site and they happened to have a new procedure they were trying out for the condition I had just been diagnosed with. I prayed to God and to Mary for courage. I called the clinic right away and they scheduled me to come there. I had a few weeks before my appointment. I prayed and talked to God. I would be on my knees crying and telling Him that this was something I just couldn't handle. I remember one night seeing a commercial for Restless Legs Syndrome. I thought to myself - I could handle discomfort and pain. That night I woke up in the middle of the night with incredible pain in my legs. I was on the bathroom floor trying to get in a position to relieve some of the pain. I must have laid there for a couple of hours and finally I prayed and told God - "Ok, I get it. I had no idea what I was saying earlier."

The pain went away.

When I went to my appointment, they scheduled a few different tests and looked over all of my other doctor's notes and x-rays. They couldn't fit me in for my tests right away, so my husband, our baby, and I drove the 5 hours back home for the weekend. On our way home there was a place of prayer dedicated to unborn babies. It was a Prayer Walk, a chapel, and there was a little shop. I bought a Prayer for Health prayer card. This is what it says: 

O Sacred Heart of Jesus I come to ask you for the gift of restored health, that I may serve you more faithfully and love you more sincerely than in the past. I want to be well and strong if it is your will and rebound to your glory. If in your divine wisdom I am to be restored to health and strength, I will strive to show my gratitiude by a constant and faithful service rendered to you. Amen

I told my husband that when I prayed about my health, I told God that with a healthy body, I promise to welcome more children if that is His will. A week later when my husband, baby, and I went back to the doctors, we finished my tests then had to wait a day to get all the results. The result: I was misdiagnosed. With everything. I was told to stop taking all medications. On the way home, we stopped by the Prayer Walk again to give thanks. Soon, our 7th blessing was on his way - and now we are preparing to welcome our 8th.
 So will we have more? I honestly don't know. When I hesitated to buy a couple of maternity clothes last week, Tom (half-jokingly!) told me to go ahead - I'll get pregnant again.
Tom sometimes asks me about my "bench." Honestly, sometimes I see a little boy crawling behind my bench, peeking out at me...

It is a true blessing that I am married to a man who believes children are a gift and a blessing as much as I do. We may struggle at times, but we get through. We have faith that God is not going to give us more than we can handle.